How to look after yourself after having a baby.
Congratulations on becoming a Mother! Whether it’s your first baby or not, the post baby chaos is real. Having a baby is lovely, but it can be a whirlwind of dirty nappies, sleepless nights and leaky boobs. Visitors may be coming out of your ears, and so as well as looking after a newborn you might be worrying whether your house is presentable. It’s all too easy to forget to make time for you. I know with each of mine I was exhausted and felt as if I stumbled through the early days. Self care was definitely the last thing on my mind. This article is going to give you some realistic, practical hints and tips for looking after yourself in those early weeks and months.
It’s ok not to be ok
Too often in social media, books and magazines those early newborn days are portrayed as a blissful cocoon. It’s ok if this isn’t how it is for most. I spent the first few days after my first was born feeling incredibly lonely. By the time I had my second I was a single parent and living back with my Mum. I had 2 under 18 months and taking care of myself was difficult. There’s chunks of time I can not remember and I wonder now if I had taken care of myself more in those early days whether my experience would have been different.
The baby blues are a well known thing. Women’s bodies go through a lot during pregnancy, birth and the days afterwards. Not every day will be a good day, and that’s fine. Take the support offered from health care professionals. They are definitely there to support you and not to find fault in what you’re doing. It is always best to get help with these things sooner rather than later. Baby blues can sometimes be more serious, such as Postnatal depression. Please do seek help if you are experiencing any symptoms of this.
Also, take support offered by family and friends. They will definitely be there for baby cuddles, but don’t feel you have to get on with things while they look after the baby. Get them to help out too. I’m sure none of them will mind popping into the kitchen to make you a cuppa. It may even be worth asking someone to run the hoover round for you. I think they may draw the line at cleaning the bathroom though – but you never know! Here are ways to nurture your mental wellbeing in those early postnatal days.
Sleep when the baby sleeps…
Whoever said that obviously didn’t have more than one child! When you have a baby, people always tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps. Even if you did manage to do that, you will still be tired, knackered, exhausted in fact. You have just gone through 9 months of growing a baby. Then gone through delivery and all the emotions and feelings that come with that. It’s a lot!
Don’t put pressure on yourself to not feel tired. Every new parent feels tired, even those of us that have been at it a bit longer. If you can sleep when the baby sleeps then great, if not try to do something that helps you relax. Read a magazine or book, watch your favourite tv show, or just enjoy a hot cup of tea! It may feel like you need to rush around to get everything done when the baby is asleep. You don’t need to. These are only deadlines we put on ourselves. Better still, get someone else to do it for you.
This idea goes to pot when you have more than one child. Unless you’re in the car – bit hard to sleep if you’re driving! They rarely nap at the same time. When do you sleep then? Conquer and divide! See if someone can watch one while you maybe try to nap with the other one. If you have a partner and they are able to help with feeding in the night, get them to do it.
Seriously though, don’t overdo it. Make the most of being able to turn things down and rest when you can.
Fuel yourself after having a baby
Remember your body has been through a lot, it’s really important to nourish and support it as you recover. Make sure you always have a water bottle nearby. We have all been nap trapped before. It’s the perfect time to top up your water levels. It may also be worth having some healthy snacks nearby too. Then if you are unable to get up you can keep your energy levels up too.
It can be difficult to find the time to cook with a newborn. Consider signing up to a food delivery service to get healthy, quick to prepare meals. Order your food shopping online. There is nothing worse than going round the supermarket with a newborn. Get it delivered right to your door to minimise stress.
Some people suggest batch cooking before you have the baby, I say – don’t add to your stress. Get your other half to cook. Ask family members if they want to come and have dinner and rope them into helping to make it. They could even bring a dish with them. If you want to cook though consider doing bigger portions so you can add leftovers to the fridge or freezer.
How to move after having a baby
Everyone is different, and everyone has different abilities and fitness levels. Once cleared by a health professional you can start to exercise again, if you feel up to it. This can be as easy as working your pelvic floor muscles. I had 2 c-sections, so didn’t think I needed to do pelvic floor exercises. My midwife politely reminded me that both my babies had weighed more than 9lb. I had been supporting them, all the fluid and placenta with those pelvic floor muscles. As such they were most likely stretched. I started doing my exercises again that very day!
Walking with the baby in the pram can be a nice way to spend time together. It may be good to get out of the house and get some gentle exercise. You don’t have to go far. Maybe consider putting your headphones on and listening to some music or an audiobook while you walk. There are some great gentle quick exercises you can find on YouTube too. These can be done without even needing to leave the house.
Don’t feel guilty about asking for help
As a mother, guilt will most likely play quite a big part in your life. ‘Mum guilt’ is that feeling we get whenever we do something for ourselves. Or that isn’t 100% purely for our children. We can feel guilty or embarrassed to ask for help, this doesn’t just include your mental wellbeing. You should never feel guilty or embarrassed to ask for help.
Ask for help with practical things, when people ask if you need anything don’t be afraid to say yes. You don’t need to send them your weekly shopping list, but if you’re running low on milk or tea bags, let them know. Ask them to bring in a pack of biscuits or lunch if they’re visiting over lunchtime. It’s one less thing for you to think about.
Finding time for the basics can be difficult with a newborn. Ask if family or friends mind watching the baby while you have a shower, or even a bath. Spoiler alert – they won’t mind! You may want to go out for a 10 minute walk around the block to clear your head. There is no time off with a new baby and getting time to yourself can be hard. It’s understandable not to want to be far away though. If you have a garden, sit out there for 5 or 10 minutes. This can help you to recharge your batteries a little.
Get out and about!
My first was born in early summer, which made getting out and about easier. Until I was allowed to drive we would quite often pop out on the bus to visit my Mum or go for walks in the evening and this helped me lots. My second was born in November, and going out was more challenging for a number of reasons. Firstly, I had 2 under 18 months, getting anywhere with a double buggy is difficult. Secondly, getting both of them dressed for the winter air was a challenge all of it’s own. I was a single parent by then too, so was having to do it all on my own.
I had encouragement from my health visitors to get out and about. They asked to see me at the centre for my next appointment. It honestly felt impossible for me at the time. Again, I couldn’t drive because of my c-section. I vividly remember my first trip there. The double buggy was assembled and I wrapped us all up to brave the cold. I ambled along there as best I could, and by the time I finally got there both boys were asleep. By the end of the appointment both were awake. My eldest was desperate to go in the stay and play. We went in. It was lovely to sit and talk to other parents and have a cup of tea made for me! After that we started visiting a lot of playgroups. My youngest was 6 weeks at the time so he was oblivious, but it gave us something to do. Otherwise I think I would have sat in my pyjamas all day and I don’t think that was good for my mental health.
Be kind to yourself after having a baby
We are our own harshest critics. As we said at the beginning it’s normal to feel a bit down after having a baby. This can be worse if we put lots of pressure on ourselves. It’s easy to compare yourself to others. People are always full of stories about how they or someone they know lost their baby weight super quickly. Or even how their perfect 3 week old was sleeping through the night and could recite the alphabet 🙄. Take all of this with a pinch of salt. We are all different, and we will all do things at the pace that is right for us. Social media can be the worst when doom scrolling during a night feed. If you find this is affecting you then put a timer on your apps. Unfollow anyone who doesn’t bring you happiness. Or, just delete it all together.
Think what you would say to a friend or someone you know who has just had a baby. You would tell them it doesn’t matter if they haven’t had a shower. It doesn’t matter if your house isn’t perfectly clean. Try not to be harsh on yourself and don’t set unrealistic expectations for yourself. A great thing I learnt when I had coaching sessions was around the word ‘should’. It’s easy to feel bad about your day if you think about the things you ‘should’ have done. Instead change it to ‘could’. You could have spent all day cleaning. Instead you chose to sit and enjoy those newborn snuggles and spend time recovering. Just that small change can make a difference to how you feel.
How to look after yourself after having a baby
There you have it, some realistic, useful tips for looking after yourself after having a baby. More than anything, remember you don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations. This is your time with your baby. You need to look after yourself so that you can make the most of those moments. If you have any tips you would like share with other new mums, please comment and share the love ❤.
